The Complex Mother-Daughter Relationship | HuffPost Life
Mother-daughter relationships are complex and diverse. So how can you strike a balance between staying connected and still being true to yourself? “You can. Mothers and Daughters is an aptly titled series of portraits by the complex and ever-changing relationships between mothers and daughters. The bond between a mother and daughter is without a doubt one of the most powerful and complex relationships.
Make sure you know who you are as an individual and adult: What are your values? Is your husband or partner on the same page? Understand the bad mother-daughter examples around you, the materialistic pressures and bribes -- and set your own goals for mothering that match your values. I'm an adult daughter with no children of my own yet, so Barash's book reads like one big warning of all the pitfalls ahead with motherhood.
The mother daughter bond
It's a call to mothers to act like adults, be consistent with rules and be a mentor and guide, not a BFF. And while having a little girl sounds divine, according to her interviews, Barash reports that 90 percent of mothers today believe that mothering daughters is much more "loaded" than mothering sons.
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Indeed, the line between mother and daughter, adult and child is more blurred than ever. Oftentimes, both mother and daughter are single and dating, they may share the same taste in music and they often confide in one another in a new and more revealing manner.
Your grandmother and great-grandmother wouldn't know what to make of today's moms sharing jeans with their daughters or competing for who looks the "hottest. We all know that a mother should guide, but not cover for or make excuses for her children: You can set up and help with, but not do your daughter's science project.
But what happens when the stakes are higher? What happens when the deadline for college applications is looming and the mother wants to swoop in and take over the process? Through interviews that both mothers and daughters will relate to, Barash repeatedly draws the line between enabling and appropriate parenting.#cawfeetawk - The Complex Relationship Between Mothers And Daughters
Indeed, Barash might consider setting up shop at the entrance to a department store restaurant: Wendy Bristow, a London-based psychotherapistsays: Their friendship subsequently suffered.
It was like she was the child and I was the parent. Now we no longer talk. You need your mother in a supportive, parental role.
She needs to live her own life, in her own generation. You need space in your life for your own partner, and best friend mothers can become jealous of husbands or be too involved. To have a fulfilling relationship with your partner, your mother needs to take a supportive back seat in your life.
The Sunday night caller The Sunday night caller This daughter tends to call her mother weekly, and probably lives in a different city from her. These women have a good relationship but the daughter values her independence and is selective about the aspects of her life she shares with her mother.
To move away from your parents and live your own life is normal, says Bristow. It can be a sign that the relationship is strong and can tolerate distance. The question is, is there distance in more ways than one? If you were upset or thrilled by something, would you still only ring once a week?
Mother-daughter relationships: which category do you fit into?
To Bristow, this is a poignant, honest example of a healthy parent-child relationship. That is called parenthood! You might have kids who share what you love and you might not, and in a healthy relationship you accommodate the differences.