The Painful Reality Of Ending A Relationship Because Of Distance And Bad Timing | Thought Catalog
We kept up with our LDR for years but the distance took a toll on our Our relationship ended after years and it's tragic because we. I've never ended a relationship this way before and I'm not sure how to . the heck out of it because my ex-partner had begun realizing what a. Ever since then we have been in a long-distance relationship and live 1, miles apart. People leave relationships because they grow tired of each other, or the situation they Relationships end for all sorts of reasons.
I tried talking about our cultural differences in this area, and how I had had male friends and male colleagues my entire life. I told him the thing he was so afraid of being hurt and losing me was the very thing that was happening, due to his smothering behavior. He claimed to have realized where he was going wrong.
He even began reading a book to help with his insecurities and anxiety.20 SIGNS YOUR LONG DISTANCE LOVE IS ENDING
I gave him reassurance. I never lied to him about my whereabouts or who I was with, and I made clear my intentions for our relationship. I wanted to compromise and have that reciprocated. However, he just could not tolerate me spending any time with male friends, or with colleagues outside of work. I visited the USA six weeks after our first visit, still hoping he could change in this area.
The Painful Reality Of Ending A Relationship Because Of Distance And Bad Timing
He assured me he felt differently and that he would address his thought processes and behavior going forward, but it was an empty promise. Go with the flow. The pattern of controlling behavior remained. Almost weekly we would have another fight.
It seemed he only ever saw our relationship from his viewpoint—what he needed at that moment, regardless of what I was doing or how I was feeling. I felt as though I was being interrogated for just living my life, but at the same time I wondered if I was overreacting and being too dramatic. I would dread being unobtainable by phone for any amount of time as I knew he would become anxious and the questioning would start again.
Listening To Your Gut Instincts I ended the relationship 3 weeks after my return from the USA for our second visit, five months after we started dating.
Looking back after it ended I saw the red flags more clearly, and I saw how early they had appeared—earlier than I had realized at the time. I recognized that I had seen warning signs of his real character and our incompatibility, and that my instincts had been telling me to back off for some time. I thought it was his nerves, his anxiety, his not wanting to be hurt again, or because he loved me so much.
I made any number of excuses for him. But a balanced person puts their own needs across, just not in a selfish way. In a healthy relationship it is give and take, it is listening to what the other person needs and providing that as far as is possible. In a long distance relationship it is also living with a certain amount of uncertainty.
- 5 Signs You Need to End Your Long-Distance Relationship
- Why Breaking Up Is Better Than A Long-Distance Relationship
- What Science Has to Say About Long-Distance Relationships
It is practicing trust. It is working on your own sense of security. It is not needing to know where the other person is every single minute of the day, or needing them to reply to every text immediately no matter what time of day or night. It is not needing constant reassurance that the other person really does love you.
It is not trying to control who they spend time with. Yes, relationship are about change and compromise, but at some point needing someone to change becomes needing an unhealthy level of control. Listen carefully, your instincts are there for a reason! I did that for a long time in this relationship—longer than I perhaps should have. But I need to put this relationship down to experience and take from it what I need from any future relationships—the importance of compromise, boundaries, give and take, security, plus honesty!
Here are 7 signs that the person you are dating is very insecure, anxious, controlling or depressed.
7 Signs You Should Probably End Your Long Distance Relationship
They often talk about how they are worried you will cheat on them especially if you have never cheated on them before.
They put pressure on you to tell them that you love them, or make serious commitments, before you feel ready. You are starting to feel smothered, anxious, helpless, or more worried about hurting their feelings than sharing your thoughts and opinions on an issue. Take this simple equation, for example: Sure, there are now things like Skype, Facebook, unlimited calling plans and more.
But an honest question? Do you really want to be Skyping an hour or more every night? Do you really want to resign yourself to the ritual of coming home early from the pub that you were at with your buddies to make a phone call to her, while you realize that the things you talk about increasingly reveal your worlds are becoming separate from each other?
This all sounds bleak. At this point in columns like this, the normal course of action is to give you the good news and explain why it gets better.
Managing the end of a relationship due to distance - relationships breakup ldr | Ask MetaFilter
But nope, it gets worse. So your relationship itself is going to be put under strain. Is my advice here being influenced by my personal experiences?
You bet your ass is is. Which kind of brings me to my second, and in some way bigger point.