My INTJ – INFP Blog
All relationships are rocky. But what might cause tension in this pairing? Let's look at some of the reasons why your INTJ INFP relationship might struggle. Do any INTJs out there have experience with this match-up? I am male INTJ and she is female INFP and it is rough. Just curious about advice. Aug 10, I'm going to post this topic in both the INFP and INTJ forums. I'm an INFP woman and recently just started dating an INTJ man. I've read mixed.
When it comes to forming and developing relationships, INTJs often have a few factors working against them. For one, they express themselves via their auxiliary Te rather than Fe.
Consequently, like other TJ types, they can come across as blunt, mechanical, or lacking a certain degree of tact or social know-how. Their reputation as arrogant know-it-alls can also be attributed, in part, to misperceptions involving their Te.
While INFJs are strong in extraverting their judgments, INTJs can be even more so because they lack the peacemaking, people-pleasing, and socially sensitive elements of Fe. INTJs may also be labeled as excessively stubborn or rigid, although this too relates to Te-related misunderstandings. In order to compensate for such misunderstandings, INTJs might reason that if they could only understand people better they could overcome their relational difficulties.
This may inspire them to gather as many facts and self-help strategies as they can regarding human psychology and relationships. While there is certainly nothing wrong with doing so, it may not always remedy their predicament in the way they might expect.
For one, INTJs with a history of relational difficulties can be prone to attribute those failures to psychological problems in their partners, thereby failing to see their own shortcomings.
INTJs in a relationship with INFPs | Truity
While not necessarily their fault, this should comprise at least as much of their relational attention as trying to see and diagnose problems in their partners.
To be fair, accurate self-evaluation can be a problem for all J-types, since their preferred mode of Judging Fe or Te is directed outwardly rather than inwardly. This is one reason why typology can be so useful for INTJs, as well as other types.
One of the hallmarks of Fi is a desire to preserve and defend the uniqueness of the individual. Related to a strong concern for the individual is the Fi desire to aid the weak, helpless, and marginalized of society.
This is why IFPs, for instance, can often be found helping the homeless, working with children with special needs, protecting endangered species, etc. Once we add Fi into the mix, it is not hard to see how INTJs might be attracted, even if unconsciously, to rescuing and fixing those who seem needy or helpless. The relationship then becomes a sort of psychotherapeutic forum, with the INTJ working to analyze, diagnose, and treat his wounded partner.
It zeroes in on the unique features of the individual and grows deeply attached to those qualities. While INTJs may not experience the consistent strength of feeling that FP types do, they are nonetheless influenced by the less conscious workings of Fi, which helps inspire loyalty, love, and commitment. This makes it a highly alluring function, powerful enough to inspire a fierce and protracted tug-of-war with the dominant function. Money also relates to status, another Se-related desire.
They may, for instance, feel forced to perform unfulfilling work that fails to utilize their Ni-Te gifts. Both are naturally good listeners; they will enjoy taking turns to share and asking questions to one another.Relationship with INFP-INTJ
Struggles Without a common interest, they may find it challenging to keep the conversation going. In a short while, they may find they run out of things to talk about.
INTJ Relationships, Love, & Compatibility
Because both enjoy the silence so much, they may take communication for granted and not share their feelings with each other often enough. May lack a support network if both do not belong to a community because of their lack of desire to socialize.
Intuition-Intuition Joys Because both parties enjoy discussing big ideas, possibilities and global issues, they will usually find a certain attraction to each other. This is especially if they have similar viewpoints on certain issues, they will find chemistry with each other. Both tend to enjoy each other's uniqueness, not just in viewpoints but also in fashion, tastes and so on.
Because both parties enjoy talking about the future, their conversations will more often revolve around future hopes and dreams and exciting possibilities. Struggles However, they may lack interest in everyday living, hence if they are a married couple, household duties may tend to be neglected.
Even if they attempt to take care of household, they may still miss important details in its maintenance.
- INTJs in a relationship with INFPs
The partner that has to be constantly responsible for the everyday maintenance may feel resentment or unfulfilled. A good balance can be achieved with proper delegation of duties or with the hiring of a domestic helper. Thinking-Feeling Joys Thinker will be attracted to the Feeler's compassion and warmth toward Thinker and others, which Thinker may find lacking in self. Feeler is attracted to the objective, tough-minded Thinker who can take and give criticism without taking offense.
The Thinker-Feeler partnership will provide all rounded perspectives, considering people, values and logical consequences when making important decisions.
Struggles Thinkers may hurt Feelers with their straightforward and sometimes tactless words; Feelers tend to take words personally; so when the Thinker provides negative feedback, it always evokes a larger than expected reaction from the Feeler. Thinkers may not understand the Feeler's desire for harmony and hence avoidance of conflict.