Step 4 aa list of fears in a relationship

step 4 aa list of fears in a relationship Step 4 Relationship / Sex Inventory. SESSION We Make a List: Now about sex. ( 4) We got Self esteem (fear). Sex relations. Then after I'd been in AA for a while, the fear seemed to level off though it never went away. In Step Four, we're instructed to list our resentments. The spiritual experience we seek may be just that: a better relationship with our fellows. FEAR Step 4. Fear Inventory. SESSION 10 ( 1 ) List your fears and the first time you had them. We find Personal relationship.

The bottom line is that I can't control what others think, say or do; I can only control what I think, say or do. In the end, it comes down to a choice; will I remain a slave to the opinions of others, or will I find the freedom to be myself? My sponsor used to always say, "There's no such thing as new anger, only old anger coming out in a new situation " When you consider that the term resentment means to repeat a feeling, it's plain to see how I continually recreated this negative energy throughout my life.

It continues until my suffering is so great, I become willing to look at it, and change the behavior. Step Four is the tool that allows me to see where I've been needlessly inflicting pain on myself, and those about me. Through several years in the Fellowship, this persisted.

Despite the fact that I was free from alcohol, I was not free to be myself within the Fellowship or the world in general—true recovery eluded me. A few years ago, I was participating in a book study, when I had an epiphany. In Step Four, we're instructed to list our resentments. Then it asks us to look at the cause of these resentments, and what they affected in our lives. Next, we're asked to look at our part. It was here, that I found a key to my thinking.

Normally, I'd answer by saying things like, "Well, I was selfish, angry, dishonest, etc. I have to consider what would have made that same situation helpful for myself and the other person. The reason I resent anyone is because their actions hurt me, and I feel afraid. I don't understand what makes them behave in a certain way. Time and again, I become upset with people who practice the exact same behavior that I do. Sometimes they did wrong me, but no matter where fault lies in a given situation, I'm resentful because of my inability to see that they suffer just like I do.

We all share the exact same fears, and at times, exhibit the same behavior. This was a freeing realization. Step Eleven suggests that we pause when agitated and ask for guidance. Many times I've allowed the behavior of others to anger me, but if I'm able to pause for just a moment, and consider the lessons of the Fourth Step, then I might see their actions for what they truly are.

I see that they're acting out on one of their many fears. This is especially so if you have made a lifestyle out of consciously denying its existence and avoiding that confrontation. If you find you are putting off doing this step, you might find that doing it a little bit at a time will lessen the fearful massiveness of it.

It is a lot easier to knock down a brick wall, one brick at a time, then by throwing one's body at it. I am about to present a rather complete guide to doing this inventory.

step 4 aa list of fears in a relationship

It is in the form of questions to be answered. The easy way to do this is to decide to answer just the first part of the first question, the first time you sit down to do it. Let that be the equivalent of the first brick. The most important thing is to get from stop to go. You might be pleasantly surprised to find that you end up answering more questions than you set out to do. Here are some basic guidelines and suggestions to keep in mind when doing this kind of writing: Get yourself a notebook to write in.

step 4 aa list of fears in a relationship

I usually pick one that has dividers for three subjects and start my writing in the second section, leaving the first section blank. If I forget to put the notebook away and someone happens to see it, the chances are that after flipping through a number of blank pages in the front they will conclude that it is an unused notebook and put it down. For me this size spiral is really convenient to carry around, put in a briefcase, and have next to my place setting when I am eating, which, I find, is a good time for me to write actually while waiting for and after my meal.

If you do use a spiral notebook, I would suggest using only the right hand page. This way, if you should later think of any additional things about some previous writing, there is room to add it. Also, if you should think about some information that is extraneous to the question you are currently answering, but important to a future question, it too can be jotted down on the left side.

That will free it from your mind so you can get back to answering the current question. This kind to writing is train-of-thought-writing. It is also called automatic writing. What your mind thinks, your hand records.

Your conscious, critical mind ought to be an idle, non-participating spectator.

Fear and the Fourth Step | AA Grapevine

The most important thing is to get the thoughts on paper. Spelling is not important.

step 4 aa list of fears in a relationship

Grammar is not important. You can use outline form, incomplete sentences, run-on sentences my favoriteshorthand, hieroglyphics as long as you know what they meanwhat ever it takes to capture your thoughts on paper.


If you feel that what you just wrote is inaccurate or incorrect and you just must change it, put a single line through the old version, do not erase or obliterate it ,and write the corrected version next to it or above it.

I suggest doing it this way because much of the time the first version was quite accurate, with the new edited version emotionally more palatable. Reading it later, it will be the original version that will have the greater impact. Even though you know that in the next, the fifth, step, you will be reading this inventory to another human being, for right now make believe that you don't know that.

Write it as if you are only writing it for yourself, which is the truth, anyway.

Fear and the Fourth Step

You want to be writing your thoughts and feelings as they are, rather than as You think You would like to have others hear them. This is very important. If you write this step as truthfully as possible, there will be portions of it that won't be very pretty.

If you pretty them up, you will be robbing yourself of the opportunity to grow, which is prosumedly why you are doing this. What pops into your mind as you are answering the question is sufficient.

If later you think of more information, jot it down on the left hand page next to the original answer.

step 4 aa list of fears in a relationship

The left hand page will be blank if you followed my previous suggestion. To help the person who will listen to your inventory in the next step, either put the question number in front of each answer or start off each answer by restating the question. Question - What do you like least -about sex? Answer - What I like least about sex, is Feelings are not rational. There are no right or wrong feelings, there are just your feelings. When a question asks for you to write your feelings on a particular subject, just write it the way You feel it.